Sorry for the silence on the blog front but we are so delighted to share with you that we are expecting a tiny human in April! I wanted to write a little message about this journey so far and how when things don’t work out the way we had planned that there is a light at the end whether we saw it at the start or not.
When you fall in love, there’s a beautiful sense of present and the faint thought of future. There’s feelings that come and go and things that you ponder on and analyse for what feels like forever. When I fell in love with Lee, there was a wonderful sense of presence at the beginning, savouring all the lovely moments and excitement of meeting someone new and finding a connection, living that magic day by day. And then eventually, there was the call of the future. We got married and made our plans for our lives over endless coffees and dates and chats on the sofa. We wondered and dreamed together as I hope we will continue to do always. We planned marriage and children and adventures and holidays and trips and friendships. When we talked about having children there was the most beautiful sense of awe about what that would be like, a beautiful feeling of expectation and excitement.
Our plans didn’t involve patience or waiting or concern or hospitals. They simply involved making a baby and having that baby. I know now from the last couple of years and sharing the heartache of many of our close friends more than ever that these plans that we make don’t always work out the way we had hoped. During this time I have learnt that life is cruel and hard and horrific. That things aren’t fair and there isn’t an easy way of dealing with disappointment and sadness. But I have also learnt that amid all of this, our wondering and dreaming should not be lost. We should continue to make plans despite heartache and loss. We should continue to think of our present and our future despite confusion and sadness. We owe it to these desires to believe that eventually, they will happen in some form or other, whether it’s the yellow brick road way we had originally planned or another meandering, dusty path.
There have been some really shit and difficult times over the last couple of years, not least for ourselves but for those we have attempted to love and support. There has been, at times, a definite absence of love and kindness between us, much frustration and confusion and lots of questions, but we remain hopeful. For ourselves and for our friends, for those we love and those we do not know. Because we hold on for something better, we hold on for those things to become reality, eventually.
Long live dreaming and long live the NHS.
Baby Mitchell arrives to blow our minds, expectations and our sleep patterns in April.